I dreamed last night that you were mine, and you kissed my fingertips and my forehead, and your hair smelled like summertime, and in my dream everything was the way I had always felt that it should be.

But even dreams don't have happy endings, and sure enough, you began to change.  Your eyes stopped seeing me and the summer smell of your hair started to fade.  And then suddenly she was there.  I could hear her ghost in the way you said my name and feel her shadow in the tiny beads of sweat on the nape of your neck and the palms of my hands, dripping onto my hair, my clothes, my skin, down my chest and into my belly button.

And then every thing froze.  The ground frosted over and my toes turned blue, my fingers turned blue, my lips turned blue, and the clocks forgot to move.

So I did the only thing I knew how.  I opened my eyes.

I really hope you read this.

The problem is that I don't need someone who I know will be there if some huge crisis happens.  I don't need someone that I know will make time if I have no one else who can save me.

I need someone who will be there every day, any second.  Someone who says everything, no filters or evasions.  Because honestly the huge crisis is that I have been left behind and abandoned and there is no one left to save me.  And I so wish you were the one who is always there, but you haven't been that person for quite some time now, and it's no wonder I feel betrayed.

And tonight ended well but that can't fix the fact that I talk about you way too much for someone that I don't even talk to anymore, and that I still need you way more than you will ever need me.

So if I am important to you at all, please show me, because this rope is fraying fast, and my hands are aching from gripping so tightly.  I need you to pull me up.


You pinky promised.